Hello, Little on my mind lately.
I have been feeling really sad lately, well not just lately but for a while now. I hate having to mask it every day it's rather annoying, it is like I am getting back into hating everyone and everything again, I really don't know why I just know is I hate Las Vegas, Las Vegas is just not my place, never really has been. Uh, I know I hate the heat anything over the 90's really get to me and it's annoying. After living in Redmond Oregon for a year and half I've noticed people here in Las Vegas are rude as hell. It really makes me hate this town.
I am not going to be happy to think about it, not till I get something going for what I've been shooting for. Everything I have been shooting for in life has failed and it failed when I put soo much effort into it, so much into it. I always give everything I put my heart into at 110%. Last thing I am shooting for is drift and apparently I am also having troubles getting into that. What is the point really? So much I wanted and did so hard for and failed, hell I don't even have a bed anymore or a real place to call my own. I have been feeling that I am the true failure in life and nothing more then to wish the cancer would come back and claim my life because this second chance at life has been nothing, I mean NOTHING but a giant fail monkey. I see it now as I maybe a challenger but in the end I am just a big fat looser and the purpose of living anymore? I really don't know... I really feel like giving up in life.
It is like, don't get me wrong I know life is not easy but when I work at things and I work at them very hard and it only comes to fail. Even if I do it the right way how it's supposed to be done and it still fails in life. It's like take my last 10 years of my life it has been nothing but a failure no matter what I do or how I look at it, and you can say it's very unlucky for me. This is what gets me down the most, because there is always a situation and always a problem, and that problem leads me to fail and when I have been failing for over 10 years, it really gets to me to a point I don't even want to wake up in the morning to anymore or praying soo hard to have the cancer return and finish it's job of destroying my body. Me thankful for a second life? you tell me, I do pull over and smell the flowers but not when something hits my transportation along the way to render me to start over every time.
I'm just tired of failing at everything even with life, I want to give up at everything and just never wake up.
I know adding something negative, but I wanted to write what is and has been on my mind, I guess if I can get something successful in life I would not be feeling this way.
I am not going to be happy to think about it, not till I get something going for what I've been shooting for. Everything I have been shooting for in life has failed and it failed when I put soo much effort into it, so much into it. I always give everything I put my heart into at 110%. Last thing I am shooting for is drift and apparently I am also having troubles getting into that. What is the point really? So much I wanted and did so hard for and failed, hell I don't even have a bed anymore or a real place to call my own. I have been feeling that I am the true failure in life and nothing more then to wish the cancer would come back and claim my life because this second chance at life has been nothing, I mean NOTHING but a giant fail monkey. I see it now as I maybe a challenger but in the end I am just a big fat looser and the purpose of living anymore? I really don't know... I really feel like giving up in life.
It is like, don't get me wrong I know life is not easy but when I work at things and I work at them very hard and it only comes to fail. Even if I do it the right way how it's supposed to be done and it still fails in life. It's like take my last 10 years of my life it has been nothing but a failure no matter what I do or how I look at it, and you can say it's very unlucky for me. This is what gets me down the most, because there is always a situation and always a problem, and that problem leads me to fail and when I have been failing for over 10 years, it really gets to me to a point I don't even want to wake up in the morning to anymore or praying soo hard to have the cancer return and finish it's job of destroying my body. Me thankful for a second life? you tell me, I do pull over and smell the flowers but not when something hits my transportation along the way to render me to start over every time.
I'm just tired of failing at everything even with life, I want to give up at everything and just never wake up.
I know adding something negative, but I wanted to write what is and has been on my mind, I guess if I can get something successful in life I would not be feeling this way.
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