kallador's blog

I am seriously stuck in life, I feel like I am trapped once again... this time I feel like there is no way out. How do I get out of here? Where can I proceed in life that doesn't involve living with my parents again? I can't take this stress anymore that they cause, I can't take how they are. They are always arguing, fighting, promising and never delivering =( I want to go back up to Oregon but how can I? even people who promise me things are not delivering.. most I can do is keep false hope alive I guess, I don't know no one wants to help and the one who does cannot really help or isn't helpful as I wished he would be.  I can't stand it here, I can't stand not having privacy, can't stand not able to enjoy my days off alone like I want to, I can't stand no able to sleep on a bed. I don't know what to do, there is just nothing I can do. No one wants to hire me and I am stuck with this job at a shitty pay. Nothing what I should be making wi

I am getting really tired of life, I am getting to a point that I will do anything to end this struggle even if it means my end. I put so much trust in people because I have nothing and if I am going to continue to struggle then I don't want to keep going,  fuck everyone I am tired, and done I want to thrive but how? Every time I try it ends no where but pain. I am tired of pain, I want it all to stop, I am soon alone in this world this pain just wont stop.  Anyways this is my current feelings.

/sarcasm on Why did I said yes to this company and agreed to such a shitty pay for? Oh yes that is right, no one is hiring in what I am actually skilled for and I am defiantly struggling to get my business on the ground. So meh... smh.. lol... /sarcasm off Yes here I have done it, made a huge loop in my life, were I feel like an utter and truthfully a looser. That is right, Not only I have managed to move back in with my parents, I have managed to take a job with the company I spent 7 years with and get this. Same low pay and over worked feeling. This has just became dull and I realize now how unprofessional and micro managed this company really is. Not to talk bad about it, but I do see changes to keep it from going that direction but regardless I have asked a few times to help change the way things are but denied as my requests come to me as I feel that I am just here for the ride and that I am cheap labor and I should just shut the f*** up. So here I am being I feel like I

Ever wake up, or to that factor wake up every day and go. This is not me, this is not my life, this is defiantly not my home and go what the f. happened? It's like what did happen and why did I let myself be the way things are now? From McGee' and his con artist bullshit to my ex wife and her bullshit. I for one is glade all that bullshit is over with, but it still breaks my heart that Ivy turned out the way she did, all the letters turned out to be a lie and I still wish to this day that it wasn't, I wished that it never ended the way that it did or a resolution to what has happened to clear things up. It is like wtf? Why can't McGee let it rest? I hear all this bullshit that is defaming my name. I have planed to make my return but what the fuck is this pussy shit? He's over 50+ and he acts like a 4 year old pussy footing around me and not being a grown man like he claims to be. Just like he claims to be a computer Guy when in fact he is not. I feel sorry for a

I have been feeling really sad lately, well not just lately but for a while now.  I hate having to mask it every day it's rather annoying, it is like I am getting back into hating everyone and everything again, I really don't know why I just know is I hate Las Vegas, Las Vegas is just not my place, never really has been.  Uh, I know I hate the heat anything over the 90's really get to me and it's annoying.  After living in Redmond Oregon for a year and half I've noticed people here in Las Vegas are rude as hell. It really makes me hate this town. I am not going to be happy to think about it, not till I get something going for what I've been shooting for. Everything I have been shooting for in life has failed and it failed when I put soo much effort into it, so much into it. I always give everything I put my heart into at 110%. Last thing I am shooting for is drift and apparently I am also having troubles getting into that.  What is the point really? So much I

So yeah, lately I've been really trying to get back in to the groove. But it's been really hard, because I've lost everything that matters in my life, everything I wanted. Even tried to compromise in life to make things right for myself and only to fail? Even though I fail I still get back up. It’s really depressing for me because I really felt like I have failed by allowing these people in my life, failed because people I've trusted not only back stabbed me in life but instead of creating a true partnership decided to poison my life as if to only benefit themselves. It's like don't people believe in Karma? Don't people have souls? or even a "thought" to really care in life? Apparently I guess not. Life has really got me down and depressed. I feel like I am stuck on a sofa with limited sleep every night. I fucking hate sleeping on the sofa but what else can I do? it's like Every-time I trust someone or give trust to someone they somehow c